Not locked out anymore!!

Finally!!! I was beginning to think that I would never blog again! I have been locked out of my account for almost a week! I haven't been able to update at all so lets catch up!

My last weigh in was last Sunday, July 29th. I was down to 215.2! Yay! Finally some action on the scale. I have my week three weigh in tomorrow so I should be able to post if all goes according to plan.

Everything has been going good in the last couple of weeks. I finished summer school and got a promotion at work! So now some of the stress is off and I actually got some good sleep last night. During the break between summer school and Fall semester I have a crap ton of things to do but I have also chosen to focus on getting in some physical activity. I am planning on going to the gym EVERY DAY till my dress fitting. I only need to lose 15.2 pounds to reach my first goal. I am confident I can do this and I am willing to work hard. I haven't hit the gym since last week and I know this is a crucial part of my weight loss journey.

I found a couple of new loves this week! I've been drinking detox and wellness tea and I started taking a B-Vit Complex. I usually struggle with any type of vitamin because it makes me sick to my stomach but with a proper meal in the morning, it has been a benefit.

Well not too much to update... I will check in tomorrow with my progress :)

Thanks for the continued support even though my blog was down for a week!!

P.E. with clients doesn't count obviously...

So I had my week one weigh in yesterday and then my Internet went down... So sorry this is a day late.

It wasn't anything too exciting to report anyways.. A bit frustrating if anything. I feel like I worked really hard last week.. Taking opportunities to do physical activity even when I didn't have to but for week one I guess it didn't pay off. Saturday night I was struggling a lot. I felt really depressed... Mikal wanted to go out to eat and I can just feel it in my bones that that wasn't an option for me. Not now.. Not yet. I want to maintain what I'm eating by making food at home. None the less it made me depressed and I'm sure bummed him out. I've just been in a funk mood lately. I'm sure its just lack of sleep and over working. I've also been experiencing some anxiety with not being able to go to the gym as much as I would like and when I end up in a situation where I don't have my food pre packed. I know that is something I need to check myself on and step back and breathe!

So anyways... Saturday night. Total funk mood. Totally looking forward to Sunday morning because I just know the scale is going to show me some results that I want to see. Who knows! Maybe I lost five pounds! I totally feel like it!!! Sunday morning I wake up, do my daily routine and its time. I bust out my beautiful new scale I had been waiting to use and hop on it. There it is......... My weigh in.......... Seriously??!! Wait... No.... I panic.

218.2 !!!??!!!!!!! NO WAY!

Seriously? I didn't even lose a pound. My heart broke a little to be honest. I'm not discouraged. I did awesome yesterday and I am on a roll today with my program, but I couldn't help but get that frustrating feeling. A little sick to my stomach even.

A friend sent me the picture to the right and I thought  would share it because it makes me smile. I know what I need to do. I will do it and I will accomplish my goals. I do feel A LOT healthier already and I am ready to take on the world in that sense. Mikal and I went to the river on Saturday and I was able to do a crazy hike back up to the top that I knew even was difficult for him. I love doing activities like that. I love nature, biking, hiking and running. Now I just need my body to be in a space where that is possible! I want to go explore the world in a new way. Hike mountains and cross crazy impossible seas!!!! I will be that some day. The person I am on the inside will not be pushed down and held back by what I am on the outside. I've got this!

I have a dress fitting for the dress I am wearing in my friend's wedding. The fitting is September 1st. I told them I was planning on losing weight so now I need to show them and give the alterations team a run for their money! It's only a couple days before Melissa's wedding as well. So I need to kick it in to high gear! Thank you everyone for the continued support. I have heard so many encouraging words and inspiring stories and thoughts. I am blessed to have so many people in my life pushing my for all the right reasons.

With love.

Asics and Confidence

What a great week for my goals. I weigh in tomorrow and I am a little nervous about it. I feel great and I have been told by a couple people (who don't know I have a blog) that I am looking good so hopefully that number will reflect on the scale as well! I know there is more than the number on the scale like feeling better and the way your close fit blah blah blah, but lets be honest! Anyone losing weight wants to see that number go down!!! I was nervous that the scale I did my weigh in on last week was off so I did go out and buy a new one from Walmart haha. I think I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I just need to be proud and accept that I weighed in less than I though. Guess we will find out tomorrow!

Once again I would like to thank people who have been reaching out to me and showing me support. Its great to hear it and I know its a taboo subject to talk about in person, but it makes me feel good. I don't get awkward or offended in any way and sometimes its nice to have that REAL talk. Things are always easier on the computer I think...

Anyways! This was my first week really getting serious about weight loss and I feel like it was a success. I was able to make good choices about what I consumed even when I didn't have pre packed food for the day! I completely cut out my white mochas and replaced them with Iced Coffee. That is probably the hardest part out of everything but will most likely get me the biggest results haha! However, I am a bit upset on how much I actually made it to the gym. I worked two doubles this week and had school after work so it cut in to time I had for the gym. I'm not trying to make excuses but I physically can't function properly if I don't get enough sleep!! I have been trying to squeeze in extra fitness at work like offering to walk my clients up and down the dreaded hill (not a far walk, but a total thigh workout if you do it enough) and trying to move around a bit more. Also, when we take the girls to P.E. I am able to participate while still keeping close supervision... I think it actually increases my ability to supervise because I am right there in it. Go me! I do know that if I want to see the kind of results I'm shooting for I need to make time for the gym. When I do go, I get a great work out and I leave feeling 100 times better and more accomplished.

I also was able to fit in a wonderful photo shoot with my bestie Vanessa. She made me feel beautiful, even at the size I am. I wanted to to a shoot that focuses on the shell of Michelle, body not spirit. I wanted something to look at and be able to accept how I look so that I can move on to getting healthier. I will be excited to compare these pictures to pictures that will be done when I reach my goal. It is nice to feel pretty just the way I am and have a total confidence boost! Vanessa was able to capture everything I wanted for this blog. Thanks V!!!!

I also read and have experienced how new gym clothes boost your drive and confidence so I made a deal with myself... I've wanted a new pair of Asics for months now, but I can't justify spending over $100 on shoes... When I am down to 200 pounds I am going to buy them. I know this is silly but a little retail therapy is necessary sometimes!

Well keep an eye out for my weekly progress that will be posted tomorrow. Thanks again for everything guys! Have a beautiful Saturday!

Let's be honest...

Wow! I had 127 views on my blog!! I wasn't expecting that at all! Thank you guys so much for the support! I wont let you down!! Also: a shout out thank you to my boss Holly for the wonderful motivation picture!

So here it is... Sunday. Today was my first weigh in and I have been sitting on the number (literally and figuratively) all day. I was actually a little surprised by it because I thought it was going to be much higher. I even considered getting a different scale! But I figure this is a good starting point and this is where I am. I don't tell many people my weight (for obvious reasons), but I think it is crucial to my journey and my success to be honest and throw it out there! So here we go!

My starting weight is 219 pounds. This is not the biggest I've been so I guess I can't be too unhappy with this number :) My goal weight is 145 pounds. I've got a ways to go...

So now it's time to be honest and talk about some goals. Why do I want to lose weight? What am I working for? What is the bigger picture? Yes, its about being healthy, but also its about more deeper things... I already wrote that I am going to be in my sister's wedding. A couple years back I was in my dad and step mom's wedding and I got to walk my dad down the aisle (so fun!), but when I look at the pictures from that day, instead of remembering what a wonderful time it was, all I see is FAT Michelle. I don't want a repeat of that. I want to look at pictures from Melissa's wedding and remember the joy of the event... that we all looked our best... that I'm not the one standing out because of my weight, that the beautiful bride is standing out (as much as she doesn't want to, haha). I'm just being honest here.

My goals also go deeper than this.... I think about my future and the future lives of my future children (yes make sure you take note that this is far in the future) I don't want to be an overweight mom.. And I really don't want to be an overweight wife.

I also have a more emotional motivation. My mom found out a couple weeks ago she was type 2 diabetic... this runs in my family. I have known this and I also know that it is preventable. I know that I need to change my lifestyle so that I can avoid this issue. My mom has done a huge change in her life and is very inspiring to my journey as well. I would say she is one of my biggest supporters. Thank mom <3

So some short term goals: I want to be less than 200 pounds by Melissa's wedding. Hopefully I can crush that and get to at least 190 but right now I think 200 is a good goal. I will have to check my progress and take note in a couple weeks. I want to be able to go to the gym at least 5 times a week. My struggle is finding time to do that without missing too much sleep but hey, can't be too picky.

I've been planning out my meals and drinking a crazy amount of water... sometimes with cucumber in it. mmmm so refreshing! Thanks for checking in and showing your support.

Till next time :)

So here we go!

So here it is... I have decided to go public with my weight loss journey after being inspired greatly by my good friend Sheree. Follow and support her at

 http://mygiantjourney.tumblr.com/

So I have struggled with my weight for years... Ever since I can remember I was always bigger than my friends. I could never share clothes... Heck, it was hard to even find clothes! I have always gone back and forth taking pride in being a bigger gal to hating and being completely disgusted with the way I look. I have decided once and for all that I want to be healthy.... not skinny. I know everyone says that but don't get me wrong. Skinny is totally a plus to being healthy :) I want to feel good and look good and be able to be comfortable with how I look on the outside because I have come to terms with myself on the inside. I want to be something my wonderful boyfriend is proud of (even though I know he loves me... It's important for me to feel this way).

I have lost a significant amount of weight before, but looking back I know it was done out of depression and not in a healthy way. This go around I am hoping to gain support and keep myself accountable with this blog. I know I need to make a life change... not just lose weight.

I am in my sisters wedding in September followed by a friend's wedding the weekend after. I REFUSE TO BE THE FAT BRIDE'S MAID. September isn't very far away and I know it wont be the end of my journey, but I am willing to work hard for results.

I have decided my weigh in dates will be on Sunday mornings. So I am giving myself a couple days to prepare for the first weigh in.

Thank you to my friends, family and my wonderful boyfriend Mikal for all your love and encouragement. I can't do this without you <3